


Soldier

by chengstin (fuxixi)



Series: Thank you ♡ [2]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Idols, M/M, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 19:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19910908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuxixi/pseuds/chengstin
Summary: the painful memories in his heart





	Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> Please do listen to Soldier by Taemin for a better reading experience (:
> 
> Characterization might be off and I'm really sorry for that. This is my first time venturing out of ChengStin so please do accept my apologies.
> 
> ⚠️ English is not my native language. Deep apologies for inaccuracies, extreme use of tenses, grammatical & spelling errors. ⚠️

Interviews after interviews; flights after flights; photo shoots after photoshoots. 

Being an idol isn’t easy. He knows that more than anyone. He’s been doing this for 5 years already. However, lately, he finds it hard living this kind of life. Sometimes all he wants is be a normal person with a usual 9 to 5 job and without thousands of lenses and inquisitive eyes watching your every move. 

_If only._

_Oh, what would it be like to walk down the streets on a wonderful afternoon, one hand holding a picnic basket while the other entwined to another then he would glance at him who’s already looking back with a wide smile?_

_They’d share a giggle, maybe a laugh, and their entwined hands would unconsciously tighten. They’d stop in their tracks and he would lean down, slowly, with a shy smile. “Zha—“_

“Yanjun! Let’s go!” his manager effectively pulled him out of his reverie. He blinks and shakes his head in disbelief at himself for thinking such thoughts. _Stop hurting yourself, Lin Yanjun._

He stood up from the make up chair, taking one last look in the mirror. _This is your life now._ Yanjun takes a deep breath and slowly exhaled it, easing out his nerves and clearing his mind from any thoughts. 

And there goes another day. 

**—**

> “Yanjun! Let’s go!” a familiar voice called out while tugging his hand. Yanjun fights back a grin. “Calm down, Jing. The food won’t go anywhere.” he says this yet he quickened his pace to match his. 
> 
> “It’ll go to the idiots’ stomach and I can’t let them finish all the food again!” Zhangjing sarcastically retorted. “You know how Justin and Cheng are! There’s no stopping them when it comes to food!”
> 
> Yanjun quietly chuckles behind. _That makes the three of you then._ He didn’t dare say that out loud or else he will be locked out of the room and his back wouldn’t appreciate the couch in the living room. 
> 
> So instead, he went in front of Zhangjing, making the latter stop in his tracks with an annoyed look. “What?” Yanjun leans down with a smirk, their noses an inch from each other, making Zhangjung almost crossed eyed.
> 
> “How about I treat you something else? Something especially for you.” Yanjun sweetly whispered with a wink. Zhangjing stared for a second before he… “Ouch!” Yanjun crouched down to massage the feet the older stomped on. 
> 
> “That’s what you get for getting in between me and my food!” Zhangjing stuck his tongue out at him before letting go of his hand and trudging towards the kitchen; leaving Yanjun to only sigh in defeat. 

**—**

His thumb mindlessly swipes his phone in an attempt to distract himself from driving to a music festival he cannot be seen attending. Despite being aware that no one can stop him, just the mere thought of groundless rumors spreading with detrimental words directed towards _him_ is more than enough for Yanjun to stay seated on his couch as he waits for the live telecast of the festival on TV. 

An hour later and the performance he’s been waiting all night is finally starting. His favorite artist had touched so many hearts (most especially his) that he became the final act of the night when he used to be just an opening act.

Yanjun is beyond proud of whom he became after all those years of gruesome training and countless hard work with every single project bestowed on him. _He became the star that he always wanted to be._

Regardless of him having the same stable popularity, Yanjun cannot help but feel like _he_ is out of reach. A star that is way too far away that no matter how high Yanjun tries to fly, he won’t ever reach it. 

Sometimes, on days when he couldn’t help but overthink everything that happened in just a few short years, Yanjun thinks back to those good old days wherein _he’s_ within reach, wherein _he’s_ just a step away from him and they’re not miles apart. 

But that would be selfish of him. Yanjun knows that more than anyone. Wishing for things to go back to what they used to be is taking away that someone’s dreams. And Yanjun would hate himself if that happens. 

**—**

> “I’m sorry.” 
> 
> “You shouldn’t be.” 
> 
> “But—“ 
> 
> “It’s needed to be done if we want to continue this kind of life.” 
> 
> _I don’t want to continue this if it meant I’m losing you._
> 
> “It’s better off this way. We’re better off this way.” 
> 
> _No, it’s not. I’d be a mess without you._
> 
> “You’d have less to worry about. You can stop worrying about me.” 
> 
> _I’d never stop worrying about you. I’d worry about you even more._
> 
> Warm hands gently caresses his cheeks; thumbs wiping his uncontrollable tears.
> 
> “Continue making music. Continue performing on stage. I’ll watch you from afar. Take care of yourself, okay?” 
> 
> The hand disappears. He immediately looks up. The back of his beloved faces him. He quickly held on his wrist. 
> 
> “P-pl-please d-don’t g-go… d-don’t l-leave m-me…” 
> 
> He hears him take a deep heavy breath then what he did next entirely broke him apart. 
> 
> His beloved held his hand only to push it off his wrist before running away. 

**—**

The loud cheers inside the arena almost deafened him. The thousand lights blinking everywhere almost blinded him. The heaps of fatigue over the last two weeks are enough for him to collapse.

But none of that matters as Yanjun is beyond grateful for every single person currently inside the venue for his first-ever arena concert. Tickets were sold out within a minute. Hundreds of flower wreaths lined up the halls. His entire family seated at the center aisle with his friends and brothers in the industry. 

Yanjun couldn’t ask for more. 

Two hours later and its time for the performance he had been dreading ever since he and his team planned out the setlist. Although having enough songs to fill it up, Yanjun decided to cover one specific song.

_This song had been on his playlist ever since he learned about the lyrics and the meaning behind it. This song directly struck his heart and it made him cry when he heard it live the first time._

_A song he desperately wants him to hear despite the chances of it being impossible._

The lights dimmed as he stood at the center of the stage. The piano starts and a white light shone upon him. Yanjun is wearing an all-white ensemble alongside a white microphone and a lone aster wrapped around the stand.

His eyes were closed as he starts singing and his voice starts with uncertainty until a little bit of hope prevails as he sings the chorus. Desperation mixed with determination then came when he reached the second verse. 

The bridge came fast than he anticipated and his heart is breaking into tiny little pieces as he sings each word. It became evident in his voice and even more so when tears unconsciously yet continuously fell on his cheeks. 

There’s a second of pause before the high note. Yanjun then opened his eyes and despite his blurry vision, a familiar figure came in his line of sight. Suddenly, everything else faded and all he can see is a pair of eyes staring back at him. 

Yanjun doesn’t know if he’s just imagining things or his beloved is actually there. _God, he wishes for the latter._ But he still poured out his entire soul and heart into the last verse as if _he_ could hear him. _He badly wishes he would._

**—**

> “I will protect you.” 
> 
> “Really?” 
> 
> “Yes. No matter what the future holds for us. I will never stop protecting you.” 
> 
> “I love you.” 
> 
> “I love you too, Zhangjing.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you've reached until here then I am deeply grateful to you (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ
> 
> Thank you for giving this one a chance ♡
> 
> Kudos and comments (+criticisms) are very much appreciated (◠‿◠✿)
> 
> [ Scream at me here! ](https://twitter.com/ixpointvii)
> 
> ⚠️ Edited and re-edited all by myself. Please kindly excuse all errors and inaccuracies. ⚠️


End file.
